How God Intended Marriage To Be

I think many of the problems married people face today stem from not seeing marriage the way God does.  If we focus on our marriage vows and live them out how God intended, we would have less problems and less people would be heading for divorce, in my opinion.

God commands us to respect our husbands (no matter what) and for our husbands to love us (no matter what).  I think the “no matter what” trips a lot of people up.  They think to themselves, “but you don’t know my husband”, or “you don’t know how my wife can be”…. my response to that is….no, you are wrong,  God does know.  If BOTH spouses are obeying God’s commands….marriage works!  It’s like He knows what He is doing or something. 

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Ephesians 5:33 

As an example of this topic, I want to share something with you.  This past weekend, on Valentine’s Day,  my husband had me read two blog posts by Gail and Michael Hyatt.  Michael Hyatt is the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, the largest publisher of Christian books and Gail is his wife.   We follow Michael on twitter and also read his blog posts.  I also follow Gail and it is very inspiring how much focus they both put on God first, and then their marriage.  Read each of these posts and you’ll see what I mean.  They seem to have a pretty good handle on marriage and making it work.

Click here to read Michael’s post from last Valentine’s Day entitled “What I Love About My Wife”.

Click here to read Gail’s response to Michael’s post.  Gail’s is entitled “A Super-Human Husband?”.

Marriage Isn’t 50/50

Our pastor made this statement during one of his recent sermons.  Marriage is not 50/50.  It’s 100/100.  It’s not about being fair, or always giving the same amount to the marriage.

It’s about each person giving 100%.  It’s about serving your mate, going above and beyond and not counting the costs or keeping score.

Next time you are upset about something not being “fair” in your marriage, remember that it was never meant to be fair.  It’s about commitment.  Period.  It’s about giving everything you have.

However, all of this is not at all possible without God being at the forefront.  You have to have God first in your marriage, or it will never work.  If both of you are focused on God then you’ll be headed in the right direction.  If that is not the case, you’ll be headed in circles or worse, nowhere.

Marriage is a commitment to each other and most important a commitment to God.  You’ve committed to God that you will love this person no matter what, that you will be there for them when times are tough, you’ll pick up the slack, serve them, and respect them.

Ephesians 5:33 says  “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  It doesn’t say “respect your husband if he deserves it”  and it doesn’t say “love your wife only if she deserves it”  It just says to do it.  This, in my opinion, is what keeps marriages together for the long haul.  Because I can almost guarantee you will come across times where neither of you deserve love and/or respect.  And God knew that, that’s why He instructs us to do it anyway.

Our pastor also always says that if you see something positive in your spouse, then focus on that.   Even if it’s small at the moment  just keep fanning the flames to make it bigger.  Encourage whatever is good until you are blue in the face. 

Nobody said marriage was easy, but if we approach it in the way God has outlined in the Bible it will not only last through the hard times, it will flourish.  

Here are 5 things that will help every marriage:

  1. Focus on God for your guidance, answers and strength
  2. Pray together
  3. Communicate constantly
  4. Honor your commitment to your spouse by loving and respecting them no matter what
  5. Have fun

Marriage can be a lot of fun.  It can be so rewarding.  You have your best friend right next to you to do life with.  But I think the most important component is commitment.  100% commitment from both sides.