Transparency

I just read a guest post from one of my favorite writers, Jennie Allen.  She also happens to be my pastors’ wife, and my friend.  She wrote this guest post  titled “Called to  Bleed” the other day and it really hit me hard.  God spoke to me through her, so well written, words.  (she has such a gift)  

God has been telling me not to fear my story, my past experiences and my mistakes…..but to use them to help others.

That’s a scary proposition, but I’ve been listening to Him.  For a long time I’ve wanted to hide everything from the outside world.  To keep it to myself (and only those closest to me).  It’s not anyone’s business really, right?  Wrong.   Jennie said exactly what God has been telling me all along.  That my story is His story.  How can I keep that from others?   Who am I to hold onto a story that He is so completely weaved into.    A story that He made beautiful.   

I’ve been scared (ok I still am a little scared) of people judging me and my past decisions.  However, there is only one judge that I should be concerned with, and if I do not share what He has done in my life, how will He judge that? 

He and I are still wrestling with this for now.  It all comes back to trusting Him with everything.  I’m letting go little by little and I know He has big plans for me once I become completely transparent with my life.   When I show all that I have been through and all that He has done for me, it can only help others. 

After I write this post, I will be working on writing “my story” which I plan to read to a group of college women in a few weeks (thanks to my friends Jennie and Jessica).  I’m so excited, a little scared too, but mostly excited to see how God uses my story.  One day maybe I can share my story on here….but for now, I think God is happy with my baby steps.